I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i came on her dog
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
