you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
