cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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