I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
