wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
