Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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