Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
