He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
