when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
