call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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