clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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