No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
