just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
