they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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