We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
