Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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