doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
