i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
