yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
