wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
