well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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