I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
