Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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