Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
