Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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