i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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