Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
