She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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