Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize