I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
