Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
