He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I stole a fireplace last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
