I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize