I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
