Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
