I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
