u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
