I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
