At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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