Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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