Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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