1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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