You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
