I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dick very happy bro
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
