Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
