they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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