My girlfriend figured out who you are.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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