They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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