Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
