I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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