he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
