I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
