why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
