I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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