I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Come share oat with me in your robe
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize