He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
