Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
