i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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