Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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