I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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