pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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