I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
