I am puke
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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