Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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