Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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