Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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