If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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