I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
