It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
