Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize