And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i now understand why vodka
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
