I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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