If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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