We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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