New invention idea: vibrating tampons
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
