Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
