She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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