Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
