his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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