3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
