I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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