At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
