this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
