she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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