I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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