Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
