There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
