Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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