dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
