Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize