Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize